I have been married for 5 years and I dated my husband-then-boyfriend for 2 years. So, it’s been 7 years that we have been together. Our life has been no less than a masala Bollywood film. Parents opposing but we were firm, friends suggesting to elope, but we denied and finally, after 1 year of tussle we finally got married happily. Our post-marriage days have been a roller coaster ride with financial inability, unnecessary nagging from relatives, family planning and so on and so forth. But these 5 years have been a learning experience for both – me and my husband. Our relation blossomed with every new challenge and we learned some amazing lessons of life.
Life Is A Challenge
Marriage is not a bed of roses all the time rather I feel adjustment is the key to a happy marriage or for any relation. When I got married, I never faced any financial crisis rather was never aware of at my parents’ home. However, after marriage, we did hit a rough patch. But nothing was hidden from me and hence I was happy to adjust. Nagging, fighting, no communication isn’t going to lead you anywhere rather adjust and sort out with your partner. However, that doesn’t mean you give in for any adjustments. Take a stand whenever necessary and do not give in for baseless demands.
Live And Let Live
I’ve always followed this motto in my married life. I get pissed when I am controlled by someone. I hate when someone forces me to undertake certain tasks. So, I don’t encumber my husband with my expectations. If he wants to go out with his friends – let him go! If he wants to work, let him do! Yes, but that doesn’t mean a spouse should just take the liberty to shrug off his/her responsibilities. Balance is the key to this puzzle, but do not burden a person for any unnecessary expectations. Try and be independent and life will be much easier. If you expect something, then be polite while demanding it – I am sure WORDS and your TONE is the answer to many problems.
Together In Good And Bad Times
Now that you are partners in crime ?, then you have to be together in thick and thin. My father during every award function, appreciates my mom that she supported him, brought us up when he was struggling to earn that name. This inspiration really helped me a lot in my married life. There were times, when my husband and I had irregular salaries and had to face severe financial backlog. But we supported each and overcame situation with finesse. We suppressed partying, outings, shopping and made adjustments accordingly, but this situation made us aware of monetary savings which is a boon for us now. Just like good times, we have supported each other in bad times too, and so are very much happy to have each other’s side.
Keep No Secrets
Keeping secrets from your partner is the most obnoxious aspect of a relationship. When I started dating my husband, my life was like an open book and so was his! Even today, we are immensely transparent and know about our whereabouts, friends, likes/dislikes and everything. I have seen many friends breaking-up just because they were too secretive about their life which got unravelled in a very bad manner. So, we never wanted this to come our way and believe me this has really helped us maintain the balance and respect for each other.
Communication is immensely important in any relationship. After our marriage, there were a hell lot of financial intricacies that we had to deal with. Along the way, there was an immense intrusion from our families too. But our constant communication helped us sort out a lot of things. We had our share of fights and we continue to do so, but sorting on spot is always better. Don’t let your fight escalate to a level, when your parents have to intervene. Once parents are in a picture, the situation can become blurry because they might have a different point of view. Also, vengeance, silence will lead you nowhere. So, just speak your heart out and you will feel better!
Lend An Ear
Being a wife of a software engineer is not easy at all. My husband’s frustration levels are at a peak at several times, but in situations like this, he just needs an ear to vent out that frustration. He narrates his situation, he talks about this coding and development, how uncooperative his team is.. and many more reasons like these. I know nothing about this and they are literally bouncers for me. But me listening to him, gives him a room to vent out his frustration. The same situation is for me when I am frustrated with my work. We both amicably vent out, talk it out and feel better. Listening is the best medium to cherish a happy married life.
Patience Is Bliss
My marriage has taught me a whole lot of patience. Sometimes, the going gets really tough due to innumerable reason, but I am more composed and calm and handle situations with finesse. My father-in-law (FIL) is a childlike and I often had encounters with anger and frustration. However, my husband supported me wholly and taught me tricks to handle him. Today, we both (FIL and me) are in a peaceful and happy zone and our relation is more like a daughter – father. Not just this, but patience has truly helped me tackle my in-laws and my parents without any hassles. At time, you’ll be misunderstood, but keep patience and things will unfold naturally.
Being financially independent is the need of the hour. Most importantly, when you both are earning, you both can support each other. Also, you can divide financial responsibilities so that one doesn’t feel burdened. In our case too, me and my husband have divided our responsibilities equally, be it shopping, paying bills or even investments. With this our life is very much sorted and I feel great that we both are supporting each other for our bright future.
Apart from this, appreciate your spouse for his qualities, plan outings with his/her respective parents and celebrate each day with aplomb. Accept your spouse the way he/she is and if they are wrong make things right but with love. This world needs love so make sure you start sharing it right from your relationship. Above all, any experiences you like to share with us, then feel free to comment!
Well noted points Neelambri! Loved the whole read.
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