Infertility is a very sensitive and complex issue that has left many couples heartbroken. In fact, infertility statistics state that there has been a 20-30 percent rise in the last five years in India. Along with lifestyle issues, stress also plays a crucial role that targets infertility. However, stress doesn’t accumulate from work alone, as there are so many insensitive comments that you get from your elders and colleagues collectively. I have struggled with infertility and the pain still continues, so I know the frustration level I have faced when someone pops up a stupid suggestion.
Today, science has a solution in the form of varied treatments for infertility but some unsolved puzzles are on a mental level. Your surroundings can target these pain points. So, with this post, I am going to highlight some of the insensitive pointers, one should avoid while talking to a couple struggling with infertility.
Things not to say to someone trying to conceive
“So, how many kids you have?”
In the first place, why people want to know? Moreover, they do not stop on this and try to dig more by asking the reason behind infertility. One should never poke especially when you are aware of the whole scenario.
“Just relax! You are too stressed out!”
Naturally, a couple facing infertility are going to be stressed out! Their treatments might not be viable, reports might not be satisfactory, and many such problems. Moreover, if you make them realize, they’ll start relating their stress with the root cause, thus straining themselves more.
“When you’ll stop thinking, you’ll surely conceive”
Are you a fortune-teller? You are putting them in limbo by backing such statements. They’ll be confused about whether they should stop the treatment or stop planning for a baby.
“You’ll be great parents!”
Loving someone else’s kid is very natural, but that doesn’t mean you pinpoint them that how great they’ll be when they’ll be parents. This draws them towards depression and a longing – when will they have their own kids?
“The time hasn’t come yet!”
This is the saddest statement I have ever heard! I totally believe in fate, but when someone is trying to be positive and pulling him/her down with statements like this – is totally unacceptable.
“Why not try adoption?”
Adoption is immensely honorable and apt for couples struggling with infertility. However, they still have a ray of hope that they could conceive in the future. Also, many wish to have a child of their own flesh and blood and I think every couple has a right to think that way!
“Why don’t you go for a second/third opinion?”
In my case, every doctor I went to, they gave me the same medicines, told me the same procedure, and conducted the same tests. So, which doctor should I really trust? Does that mean that the couple should hear the same thing from different doctors and get disheartened?
“Why you want kids anyway?”
Oh! People making this statement, have no idea what couples go through! By saying this, you are literally overlooking their pain. In fact, every infertile couple would be happy to swap places with couples who have kids. This shows their urge for having a baby.
“Have you tried fertility treatments like IVF or IUI?”
Do you think they are indolent? They have no feelings and are not worried about the scenario. Of course, every couple tries each and every way to have kids, so wouldn’t have they tried this one too?
“Maybe you weren’t meant to be parents!”
This is the worst and most cruel statement one can come up with! I would never ever think of cursing my enemies too, but there are people who are so blunt that they disregard the pain they have caused. They never think how devastated the couple would be after hearing such a comment!
On a parting note
So, these are some things not to say to someone trying to conceive. Instead, a simple hug would suffice. Lend a patient ear, understand their feelings, and most importantly – try and be in their shoes and you’ll realize how hurtful this journey is for them! If you want them to truly relax, take them for dinner or a short trip where there’ll be no discussions about having a baby. Try and avoid sharing someone else’s story of pregnancy because that might depress them!
Most importantly, give them time to heal!
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